One of the most amazing things that define us as being human is our ability to dream. All great pieces of artwork, all of those incredible structures and creations you see around us began as a dream.
Do you have a dream?
The downside of any dream is the fear of regret. An all too human fear that we will not achieve our dreams or goals, and that in 5, 10, 20 years’time we will have lived past our dream and regret not having fulfilled it. For example, I love swimming. Once when I was a child my swimming teacher told me if I continued lessons I could be an Olympic swimmer. Whether he meant it or not, I’ll never know. My parents didn’t have the time or money to get me to the local swimming pool, and school swim lessons didn’t continue past junior school. I’ve never been particularly interested in the Olympics, but I can’t help but think ‘What If…?’
What if I’d kept going swimming?
What if dieting actually worked for me?
What if I had kept up piano lessons from my aunt?
What if I hadn’t given up trying to teach myself Japanese because of other responsibilities?
I could go on. And, no doubt, there will be many ‘What Ifs’ to come. The problem is that there are so many opportunities open to us as children, at a time when most of us don’t know what we want to do or what will benefit us. How many dreams can you think of that you’ve let go because, at the time, it seemed too far off to be reached? Could you reach it now?
My current dream, once that has been repeatedly shattered and rebuilt, is the dream of being a published author.
I have always been passionate about writing, but it wasn’t until around 4/5 years ago that my dream of being published became feasible.
It was at a performing arts workshop. I’d already been writing songs, poems, stories and script fragments for years, and thought that a rap or music workshop’ would be something different. I look so different from all the others in there… imagine what you think a stereotype male rapper would look like. That was the 6 others in the room. Now imagine me, the only girl, a little overweight and on the short side, sitting quietly on her own. Yeah. But after 5 minutes I had a page and a half of a rap which needed no editing, as opposed to their 4-5 lines that they had needed help with. After the week was over we had to fill in a form to audition to perform at a theatre. Not knowing what to write, I asked the workshop leader, who took the form from me and just wrote the word ‘POETRY’ across the page under my contact details. And they kept contacting me. I wrote poems, songs and scripts for them for the next couple of years…
Since then I’ve received several offers to be published from various companies…
But then the painful bit comes.
Even though it was they who made the first move by contacting me asking to publish my work, they just stopped contacting me.
The man who promised to help me publish my own work.
The company that asked to put me in a book with other poets.
Even the performing arts company that had built my confidence up from nothing.
I contacted the company, and they still haven’t replied regarding my place in their book. It’s been a year, yet they send me a letter now and then asking for an individual poem for this or that. I just don’t trust them enough to want anything to do with them anymore.
I’ve considered self-publishing, but money at the moment is an issue.
But I’m not the type of person who surrenders easily.
I have over 100 poems and counting. I’m writing a book, with ideas for several others floating around on various bits of paper and hardware. I have a small series of short crime drama stories on a website. I may not be any closer to achieving my life’s dream at the moment, but giving up is not an option. If we want something in life, and it’s worth having, then it’s worth fighting for.
So here’s the message for today:
Keep the hope alive.
Hope is what keeps us believing, and belief is what keeps us fighting. Don’t lose hope because others have let you down because, as much as it hurts, you will always have people who will let you down. The real tragedy is when you let yourself down. If you can’t rely on yourself, who can you rely on?
Keep the hope alive.
And one day you will make it.
Until then I wish you all the best in every dream you chose to chase, with every faith that you will catch it.
Blossom, little flame
And grow with all your might
Delight the five senses
With your magic
Wash over me
So that I be numb
With the joy you may give
Please don’t strike me down
But allow my heart
To shield and cultivate
Your great light
So that you may spread
To the hearts of others
And be evergreen
Little flame, bloom for me.