Warmth of the sun
That wraps around me
Soft as the snow
Against my skin
Musky rich scent
Of fallen leaves
In the glory of spring
Love is a strange thing in that it can be expressed in many different ways and take many different paths. The question is: how do we know when we have found the right path? Many people find a partner and think after the first month “He/She is ‘the one'”, but some people can spend years in a relationship with someone without their partner being the proverbial ‘one’.
I’ve seen many a relationship, all very different, all very confusing. everybody seeks something different from a relationship… or do they? The elements are the same, just in different proportions. I believe the contents of a good relationship can be likened to the seasons in a year.
1) Emotional Intimacy. The ‘Spring’ of the relationship. Think about the first few weeks of an established relationship – those moments in which you yearn to be near your partner just to hear their voice, when you learn about each other’s loves and hates. Little things such as taking an interest in your partner’s hobbies can make all the difference. Your girlfriend likes to paint? Ask what she likes to paint. Don’t ask what paints she uses if you don’t know the difference between watercolours and acrylics. Taking an interest doesn’t have to be strained, and even if she is modest, I’m sure she loves that you asked to see her paintings. If your husband likes tropical fish, see if you have the time and money for him to have a tank. Be open to random facts about your partners hobby. Who knows, you might enjoy it too!
2) Sexual Intimacy. The ‘Summer’ season. Sexual intimacy ranges from the passionate (usually bedroom) activities to just telling him how he looks gorgeous in that shirt, or how you love how her hair smells. Even when we feel we don’t need physical intimacy, you’ll be amazed how good it feels to snuggle up to a loved one or fall asleep in your partners arms. Remember: you are never too old for snuggling. A tender rub of the shoulder, an arm around the waist, or just holding hands, skin to skin contact is vital in any relationship.
3) Variety and Spontaneity. In ‘Autumn’ we take a break from the uniform green and see a fantastic mix of reds, yellows and oranges. Life has a sad habit of falling into a set routine. Get up, wash, brush teeth, have breakfast, etc, etc… Some people like routines. Granted, routine can make life easire – you know when your lessons or work schedule is, you know what time you need to be out of the house before you are late… but what about when relationships become routine? Sometimes when you are in a relationship for a length of time it becomes less about love and more about the routine you have grown into. So every tuesday night you go on a date. So every friday night you go out with friends. So you could write a step-by-step guide on the precise moves you use during sex. Does anyone else see the problem with this? Are you in love, or are you just going through the motions? If it is the latter, maybe you should rethink where you’re at. If you are in love, however, then there is plenty of room to go off timetable. Buy her flowers ‘to wish her a merry monday’, or set up a film she likes and order a take away to surprise her when she gets home. Get him that CD he loves that you hate so he can listen to it when you’re not there, give him a suprise back rub after a hard days work. Random acts of affection let you know the spark is still there.
4) Space. The ‘Winter’ or cold periods. Space is not always a bad thing, as long as it isn’t something you find yourself wanting whenever you spend 5 minutes with your partner. You each need a life outside of each other. Taking an interest is important, but hovering and muscling in on their hobbies creates a lack of variety, smothering feeling and bland conversation. Think of your favourite hobby. Now think how you would feel if your partner decided to become an expert in it, correcting you and telling you things you already knew as if you’d never heard of it before. Or how you would feel if you and your partner were handcuffed together for a week. Cooling periods allow for a little self-reflection, enjoyment with friends and catching up on the things you like that your partner doesn’t. Variety is good. It gives you something new to discuss.
So there it is. The four Seasons of Love. Maybe there’s something in it, or maybe I’m speaking from the gutter. Do you have some profound thoughts, nuggets of advice or ideas for a future blog post? Don’t hesitate to comment!